A Break from Nursing Posts

I need to take a break from reliving the nursing posts. I will get them done in the next week, but here is something on a different emotional tangent: 

One year ago, my husband and I were trying to wrap our heads around the fact that we were going to be parents to not only 1 tiny child, but two! What an interesting few days we spent coping with that new information...

We should have known better. For some reason, less than a week after I found out I was pregnant, I made the joke to him that it would be fun if it were twins. I even wrote in my pregnancy journal to the boys that I didn't know if I was writing to one or two babies. I don't know why. It's not like we have 3 sets of twins in our family, like the lady I spoke with today! It just took root in my mind, and from then on, I addressed the baby as "L'aig, or L'aigs (not sure)." I had read an article shortly thereafter that listed some commonalities among women who had twins (such as: tall in stature, overweight, over 30, black, etc.) and sent it to my husband, jokingly telling him that I fit almost half of the demographics (I'm obviously not black, lol!).

It just goes to show that God definitely has a sense of humor. We joked about twins for the next 9 weeks, even to our parents! They kind of rolled their eyes and said okay, knowing that our chances of having twins was pretty low, without having any sets in the family previously.

We had our 12 week appointment the Monday after Mothers' Day, so everyone in the family knew about it and was waiting to hear the results. I was nervous, just because this was our first glimpse into the health of our new child, so when my ob said that he couldn't hear the heartbeat through the doppler, my stomach dropped. I thought something had gone wrong, but he assured me that this happens frequently if the placenta is in the front, and ordered a sonogram for us while we were there.

We went into the darkened room to see the ultrasound technician, who was a sweet older lady who looked like she had done this thousands of times. She put us at ease and had me sit in the seat. She easily found the baby's head and what we saw on the screen was magical! L'aig was bouncing around and seemed to be doing just fine. She said the heartbeat was great and looked like she was about to wrap things up, when she frightened us by saying she was going to have to take a closer look at something.

We have had a tragic pregnancy in the immediate family, so at this point, I was pretty freaked out, thinking that there was something wrong with our baby. We addressed this with her, and she said, "I just need to get a closer look to see the other baby." I'm sure my jaw dropped. All I could say was, "You're joking," with an incredulous smile on my face. I turned to my hubby and we both instantly knew it was true.

We were both ecstatic and scared as we were ushered back to the ob's office to discuss the results. He was confident and calm, and told us just what we needed to hear: it was going to be okay, twins are born every day in that hospital, and that I was going to do great.

As soon as we made it down to the car, I called my mom to let her know the good news. I couldn't think to call anyone else in that state, so I asked her to pass the word along to everyone else. We went home and felt like we floated through the rest of the evening. I think we both burst out laughing sporadically until we finally went to sleep. I don't remember any of my dreams from that night.

The next morning was another story. The worries came. All the worries. How are we going to take care of them? How will we afford it? Will we have to move? Will my husband find a different job? What about all the gear? How will we afford college? Will they be healthy? Will I go full-term? Will they be in the NICU for weeks?

Thankfully, we serve a BIG God who can do anything, and has orchestrated our every move to get us where we are today, so we knew that we were well taken care of; but in the immediacy of that time, it was easy to let the "what ifs" get the majority of our mental energy. Obviously, we have made it and are thriving at this point, but it was pretty scary a year ago. Now, I thank God for our boys and everything they are. I couldn't imagine living without either one of them.

Baby A and Baby B at 12 weeks!

If you are a parent of twins, did you have a similar experience? How did you find out you were carrying multiples, and what was your reaction?

Today's encouraging verse: Abraham fell facedown; he laughed and said to himself, “Will a son be born to a man a hundred years old? Will Sarah bear a child at the age of ninety?” Genesis 17:17

Pump It Up! Nursing Twins--Part IV

I had no idea these nursing posts would take so much energy and focus to get out. Every time I write, I think, "This should do it." Then, I start writing, and paragraphs later, I realize there's so much more to the story. I hope this is inspirational to someone that is thinking about nursing, or who has tried nursing, or who is nursing (whether one or more children), to know that your frustrations, fears, and anxieties are normal, and that you are doing what's best for you and your child(ren). If you think nursing sounds easy compared to all the gear and prep time bottle-feeding your child, I hope you'll keep this series in mind the next time you tell your nursing friend how lucky she is that she can just "do it anywhere, anytime."

Here is the next in the series. I plan to only have one more segment, although we'll see how that turns out when I get to the end of the next one. Here are links to Part I, Part II, and Part III so you can see how this journey started.

By God's grace, we all survived that first night at home. The next day was our newborn appointment with the pediatrician at her office, so I had set my alarm (not that I really needed to; the boys woke up hungry just in time) so we could leave on time. We fed the boys and packed the diaper bag, dressed ourselves (in sweats, of course), and packed our family in the car. Or, I should say, my hubby did. Since I had a c-section, I wasn't allowed to carry anything except the diaper bag for the first six weeks.


We arrived at the pediatrician's with 4 minutes to spare, and in my adrenaline/exhaustion state, I was satisfied that we had made it at all. I was on the verge of tears after our confusing night of trying to incorporate all the advice we had gathered at the hospital in the previous days, which caused me to be able to sleep no more than 45 minutes in a row. We checked in the boys, who were sleeping soundly, and got to rest in the waiting room for a few sweet minutes before being called back.

First trip to the pediatrician's! That is my best attempt at a smile with so little sleep.

Even after all of the nursing, pumping, and formula-feeding, our boys had both lost even more weight. They seemed so tiny to start with, I couldn't imagine how they could be any smaller now. The doctor came in and spoke with us, and she was such an encouragement! She asked how the first night home had gone, and I'm sure the looks on our faces and the circles under our eyes were all she had to see to know how we'd been through the wringer.

I had been so scared about my milk not coming in, or not having enough, that through the night, I even felt like I should have been pumping when I needed to sleep. S had made me so anxious about nursing and how every little thing affects your supply, that I was afraid to not try to follow every bit of advice to a "t." This included not supplementing with formula, even though our boys had lost over 10% of their weight in the hospital, where they had been supplemented.

We tried to describe what we had done the following night, after which the doctor nodded her head and said, "That sounds exhausting. Let me give you some advice." She proceeded to tell us to throw out all the advice we'd received in the hospital, even from herself, and to try a couple of things. If they weren't successful by the end of the weekend, she would see us on Monday and give us a couple more things to try. We left that appointment with so much more clarity than we had the previous day and were so thankful for it.

We had to come back the next Monday (our appointment was on Friday) for a weight check, but in the meantime, we were going to: 1) nurse each boy for 15 minutes to stimulate milk 2) feed each boy formula every feeding. So that was our mission for the weekend. She said that with only trying to feed milk, which hadn't even come in yet, the boys were hungry, so they weren't able to get to sleep, which caused them to be so fussy that we couldn't sleep either. By giving them enough formula, we were able to fill their tiny little tummies and satisfy them for a little while, which allowed us to rest a bit more that day.

I was still pumping after every feeding, which was about every 3-4 hours now, and was getting miniscule amounts of colostrum. I kept a written record, and we were able to feed each child 30 cc that afternoon. Pumping was exhausting. I felt so helpless, not being able to get up and change the boys, or get food ready for us, or bottles for them. I have a glider in the nursery that I had my pump and my Bible and iPod set up next to, so I spent most of the first few days in there, nursing and pumping. I started out with these teeny, tiny little containers that came from the hospital kit and could just barely fill the bottom of them. I think they measured 1.5 oz each. I thought that I would never be able to feed two kiddos with that!

My mom came that night to stay with us, and as soon as she got there, I was pumping, and to my absolute amazement, my milk had just started to come in!!!! Instead of slow, small drops, there were sprays of milk hitting the back of the container! I distinctly remember calling my mom over to show her and being so happy I was crying! From then on, I felt so much more confident, even after the disastrous start to the week. My body knew what to do!

From then on, we were on our way. We tweaked our method slightly the next day, by switching which child I nursed and which one took a bottle. I fed him on each side while Daddy or another family member fed the other boy double what we had been giving them. This seemed to work all right. I wanted to stimulate as much milk I could, so I decided to start pumping, just for 10 minutes, every 2 hours, as well as feeding one boy along with that. Soon, I was filling up those tiny little containers with milk and needing to dig out some larger ones. I didn't dare pull out the 5 oz bottles yet, though; that was an impossibility! I was getting about 2 oz every 2 hours, and that was plenty for our boys.

Today's encouraging verse: Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings; because we know that suffering produces perseverance; and perseverance, character; and character, hope. Romans 5:3-4

Joy Comes in the Morning: Nursing Twins--Part III

As promised, here's the next bit of my twins' nursing story. You can read Part I and Part II to get caught up.

Taking the boys home from the hospital was completely surreal. Over the 4 days that I spent in the hospital, fall happened. We came home on Halloween, so the trees and bushes everywhere were completely transformed, which made the world I knew from before seem like a million lightyears away. Add to that the fact that I was no longer pregnant and we were on course for our apartment with 2 tiny lifeforms, made for a bewildering trip. My husband was talking non-stop to the boys in the backseat, although I'm sure they were probably asleep during the 10 minute drive home. Getting them inside with all our gear was a sight, I'm sure.

Beautiful fall colors outside our apartment bringing the boys home

That first night at home was absolutely terrifying. We thought we could do it on our own, but when we got home and fed the boys and put them in the pack n play in our room to sleep, we realized we had no idea what to do with them. Putting them in the nursery at the hospital was great to let us get some sleep, but we didn't know whether they had slept in a light space or dark, with lots of noise or quiet, if they had been rocked to sleep, or anything. We didn't know if they stayed up at night or if they were up during the day more; we basically freaked out! So we called my dad, who had been off work the entire week (he really gets into celebrating Halloween), to see if he could come stay the night with us for some additional support. He was able to come right over, and while he isn't the most mothering type, he was a great help and made the entire night easier.

I purchased a Medela breastpump because that was the most popular and the easiest to spot at all the stores we visited. I purchased mine (although I know you're not supposed to) via Craigslist, and it seemed to be in good working order. I had never seen one in use, so I had no frame of reference, and I was too afraid of prematurely triggering contractions during my pregnancy to even think of trying it out, so I hadn't yet had a chance to find out if it really worked. I bought new tubing for it and all new equipment, and cleaned it thoroughly weeks before I knew I would need it, so I thought I was ready.

The night we brought the boys home, I hooked up all my equipment and put it up to my breasts, and started panicking. It was working, but it was not sucking on both sides. I knew from the hospital pump what it was basically supposed to do, and it wasn't doing that, so I thought we would have to go out the next day and purchase a brand-new $400 one. I took all the tubes off and disconnected every piece I could, and tried it again, and found that it was not faulty, but that I must not have had something hooked up correctly, because after that, it worked like a charm. I wasn't getting but a few droplets, but that was to be expected at that time.

Our schedule that night went something like this: change the boys; nurse the boys, one at a time, then give each boy a supplement of formula; while one person is feeding the formula, I would nurse the second boy and then pump for 10 minutes afterward. We would put the boys down to sleep, I would eat because I was starving, and then we would get about 45 minutes of down-time before the next feeding. I remember lying down on my bed at one point that night, with my head spinning so badly from exhaustion that I thought I was falling out of bed. It was the worst feeling, knowing that I would barely get my eyes shut and then have to get up to start all over again.

I know my dad didn't feel like he really had much to do, while I was nursing and pumping, but just having him there made me feel so much better about what we were going through. He would hold the boys and give them their bottles while I was pumping or nursing the other one, and I think he even let my husband get an extra shift of sleep by doing this. It was a relief to know that we had an extra set of eyes and ears to help us hear when the boys were up, and I got to talk with him some while I was sitting there pumping. It was a little awkward sitting there with my breasts hanging out, and he was very respectful not to stare at me while we were talking, but we did get to joke about next year's Halloween costume and how I should go as a cow from now on.

I prayed more that night than I can remember doing at one time, for myself, my husband, and my boys, that we would have the strength to get through the night and I know that I would not have made it without God's mighty power. He was so good in helping us get some rest, and after the longest night I've ever lived through, the morning came and we had made it.

We were all exhausted and worse for the wear, but thankfully, we had family in town that could relieve Dad and let him go home and get some rest while the next shift stopped in.

Dad taking a shift with one of the boys

Today's encouraging verse: Sing the praises of the Lord, you his faithful people; praise his holy name. For his anger lasts only a moment, but his favor lasts a lifetime; weeping may stay for the night, but rejoicing comes in the morning. Psalm 30:4-5