Good fruit

I know I've mentioned before about the pregnancy journal my husband and I started for the twins. I haven't written in it since the boys' birthday at the end of October, and so much has happened since then. I wanted to tell them about Dad's death and tell them about their grandpa before I put it in writing for the web, so I'll just transfer what I wrote to them here:

1/28/17 Twins: 3 years, 3 months; Samuel: almost 5 months

My dear little boys-

It has been so long since I've written you, and so much has happened. I didn't know how to put it into words and I still don't, but I'm going to try anyway.

First, I love you very much. I've wanted to write to tell you about all the wonderful things you're doing, how big you're getting, and how proud I am of you. I knew if I did that though, I would have to talk about this, and I wasn't ready yet.

Here's the thing: your grandpa (my daddy) died. 

We found out a few weeks after Samuel came that Grandpa was sick, and it was pretty serious. He had stomach cancer and there wasn't much they could do except try to kill it with harsh medicine, called chemotherapy. Chemo often makes people sick in other ways, even if it kills the cancer, so we knew it was going to be hard, if he made it through all of that.

Grandpa was in and out of the hospital several times over October and November for an infection. He had lots of fluid in his tummy that wouldn't go away, and it made him very sore and bloated. Right before Thanksgiving, we found out the fluid was part of his cancer and they couldn't get rid of it, stop the cancer from spreading, or fight it with chemo because he was too sick.

After Thanksgiving, Grandpa came home from the hospital and was planning to be home until the cancer finally took him. We thought that might be several weeks, or at least several days. Unfortunately, we were mistaken, and he died after being home for only 24 hours, on November 29th.

Your grandpa was not a rich or powerful man, he wasn't exceptionally smart or a great philosopher. He read car magazines and the newspaper, and he would read you picture books if you curled up in his lap. He liked old cars and doing things for other people. He collected things like tools, car ornaments, and clocks. He worked his whole life to make sure my mom, my brother, you 3, and I all had what we needed. He wasn't ever afraid of hard work, and I don't remember him ever turning down a request for help. He did many things for me growing up I never even knew I needed done.

Most importantly, he loved you boys more than anything. He would have done anything for you. He lost over 200 lbs in the last year so he could play and take care of you, and be healthy as you grew older. He worked so hard and did such a great job, he wanted to be able to physically do anything for you too.

He was so proud of you. Every time we went in to his work at Costco, he couldn't wait to tell his coworkers you were his grandboys. He let you get on the forklift and showed you how to honk the horn. He talked about you all the time and kept photos of you on the desk. Even after he got sick, he volunteered to watch you, by himself, so I could go to an appointment. He loved spending time with you.

We went to the lake last summer, and Grandpa was so eager to let you "drive" his pontoon boat. You were scared to, but you enjoyed riding in the boat and talked about staying in "Grandpa & Grandma's camper" for weeks.

Your grandpa was not a church-going man, and I'm not sure if he ever opened a Bible, but he claimed to know Jesus. If the "fruit of the Spirit" is any indication of one's spiritual walk, Grandpas was a righteous man. We won't know this side of heaven, but I pray that we will all be together for eternity at God's side. Since little Sammy will probably not remember Grandpa (although, we serve a Big God--He could do it if He chose), we pray that each of you has a deep, rich relationship with Jesus, so you can get to know your grandpa personally in heaven. Until then, just know that he will be sorely missed.

This probably won't be the last time I write about Grandpa. As I remember more and more, I'll try to share those things with you. I so wish you each had more time with him, but I am grateful for all the time and fun you did get to spend with him.

I love you very much.

Love always-

Mom

Today's encouraging verse: "For the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control." Galatians 5:22